Courage under fire

‘Life’ is a word that keeps on coming back to my thought process and so does it seep through to whatever I intend to write.
Todays day is one of mixed emotions which are too complicated for me to describe in sentences, hence I will utilize this engineering capability of breaking the problem into elementary parts and help myself understand my current mental situation.
1. Today I gave cat again for the 4th time. Its almost 6 years since I have been preparing for cat. I don’t know what has been the constant source of my energy which has kept me going in search of those most coveted institutes of the country. I don’t know how I have done in the paper because I don’t have the courage to open the question booklet and check the answers that I have marked in the paper. This emotion can be termed as ‘fear mixed with hope’.
2. ISB results can be out any moment till the 20th. I have done well in the interview and the performance has been endorsed by a few as well. The emotion can be termed as ‘hope mixed with fear’.
I don’t know how to feel these and what to feel how to react…..simply screwed up inside my mind. Just praying overtime that my life gets a track now. Ohh plzzz….god I think you have had enough of tormenting, I may not be able to bear more…..plz….i don’t want to learn how to bear more of this…..plz plz plz…