Profiles

For clarity of non iit readers I would explain what profile means in IITB, since this word has been frequently used in this post.

Profiles

Definition: A profile is lekha-jokha (not done by Chitragupta jee but his friends and wing mates) of all good or bad (mostly bad deeds) which an iitian has done over his 4 years of iit stay. It includes some of his biggest mistakes, obviously a big part devoted to his crushes and if he is lucky enough, his girl friend. And the last few consolatory lines about his achievements and where is he going to go. The last few lines are the most difficult to write because, good things are so limited about a person.

Application: All these profiles are read by nearest and dearest friends on the valedictory function (typically called valfi). And it’s meant to be a surprise for the person because it has a compilation of his deeds and misdeeds which he has forgotten or he is still making an effort to forget.
Back to business

Because profile mania is on top in our wing. And me being a responsible member of h13 summit iit Bombay felt like constructively contributing. I have had pleasure of writing a few profiles, but it seems my writing skills tear too much of flesh and while people enjoy when somebody else’s profile is being written, they want me out of room when their own is being done.

Today is the last day of profile submissions by 11:59:59. (The usual way of giving deadlines here.) It actually surprised me when I came to IIT, because I used to sleep at 10 pm. So what’s the use of such late deadline? I realized after coming to iit that when some one say assignment submissions are due by 23 rd march, it means 11:59:59 pm on the 23rd march and not the usual government office timing of closing on 5 pm, which is also, late for babus at times. And it became a practice for me too, to utilize to last two hours to do the assignment.

Back to the profiles.

How are profiles written?

Well, 5-6 interested people lay on each other in a small room of (7*5 feet2), which is pretty normal for us, while watching fartu movies or something important or when we are in mod for total lukkha. I was told by a friend of mine who came after a summer training in Europe that, if some westerner sees us this way, he would surely think that a gay party is going on. So out of all these people the lucky one who types out every thing sits on the chair. And if there is profile mania then there are two chairs in this small room which makes its floor comparable to the sleeper coach of railways during the holiday season.

But to gather 5-6 people at a single point of time is also not as easy a thing. From the last two days one of has had to get angry, mail on the wing group, has had to fight, and then after all this drama the we initiate the process of writing the profile. Another issue that comes up is the person whose profile is being written has to be kept out of the room, which is actually a welcome break for the poor soul, since the mercury is rising and a large number of people atleast 4 on the bed is not something very easy to manage.

Now comes the crux part of profile writing. Each one of us starts pouring ideas. And the chairperson has the job to key them in the computer. If he is a shareef guy than the language would be soft, no mirch masala, no interpretations, no double meanings. But if the CEO is someone like me than you are in for some real bashing because shareef people are sitting behind you whose, dil is soft and they don’t want to hurt any body and also write nothing but fact. Ab agar aadmi 4 saal mein, facts mein itni saari galatiyaan kar dega to phir to woh really god hoga. Profiling is all about interpretations and extraplotations (atleast for me).

So every one remembers the incidences, defines the role of protagonist and then narrative is completed in a period of atleast two hours. And finally something good for the person like

"We wish him a good future. Hope he achieves what all he wants to."

I forgot to mention a very important part of the profiles. A sketch of the person is also added with the profile and printed in the profile book. Yes all the profiles in a hostel are compilated in a book. If you have done something really nasty and a friend of yours who can draw it nastier than you will be in trouble when the profile is being read at the valfi. Because all your near and dear ones, department pals including the fairer sex are present.

My profile has already been written and earlier I was thinking about putting that on my blog ……but I may have to censor that:D

ak