Agony of My Life

I have been writing a lot and writing crap to put it bluntly to myself. Thanks to all my friends who took pains to point that out. For me, as always solution of this problem is also to introspect, look around what went wrong!!

The reason!!

I haven’t had something really good to write about, probably because I am too busy playing counter strike or age of empires and I have stopped reading. Without lots of thought churning in the mind, nothing good can come out when you get down to write. Hence I have decided to go “Back to Basics”. Think about a topic and write your heart out on it, without any LEEPA POTI. And for sometime I will make genuine attempts to follow this guideline.

Reading a post on some one else's blog reminded me of my JEE days. The days when I was supposed to be burning the so called midnight oil (which I never did, because I used to study early in the morning), the days when I used to wonder why I am not born to Aditya vikram birla or J R D tata and why doesn’t my dad have enough money in his pockets to get me an admission in some good foreign university, How much money would it take to bribe the Chairman of JEE, why do I have to go through all this? Is it necessary to become an engineer, that too from an IIT?

Those were the days when even robots would give up on my schedule of sleeping at 10:20 pm (plus minus 5 minutes) and waking up at 4:30. I still wonder what energized me to do all that. And I am pretty sure that I can never ever do the same. If someone asks me to take the JEE paper again, I may do a question or two in Organic chemistry, which is my favorite. But I strongly believe that I can’t attempt a single question in mathematics.

Mathematics has been and still is agony of my life!! It has made me villain in my life story because it always wins the fight and hero never looses.

I scored 98/100 in Class 10^th in maths. After began this tragic movie with not a single romantic scene. I and mathematics have had “choli daman kaa saath” or have been like “Langotiya yaar” who used to share the same langoti in the childhood (that’s how I understand this saying). I have been running away from mathematics since class 11^th and mathematics is like Mossad of Israel which always locates my precise location like any other Palestinian militant and aims amit seeking missile taking me down with 100% success rate. I can come up with a thousand more analogies but kiss is what I would do.

Keep it simple and stupid = Kiss (Since I have been writing crap, So taking the safer route)

I am going to graduate from the best chemical engineering department in the country and if I want, I can fool the world and can fulfill my dream of getting into a decent foreign university also.

But I realized today, that the best decision after coming to IIT that I have taken was, NOT TAKING GRE and deciding agains pursuing a research career.

I came face to face with this truth in today’s polymerization class, when prof. was doing a revision of a second year introductory course called transport phenomena. Without that course no engineer can even dream to be a chemical engineer. But like so many other paradoxes in this world, there is this little me who doesn’t understand abcd of that course and is going to graduate from this dept. with respectable grades.

When the polymerization prof talked about Stress Tensor, I was stunned as if a nude photograph of my childhood was published in playgirl and me not being paid for that(it can’t obviously be playboy). This term had more psychological implications for me rather than physical ones related to polymerization. I was thanking god that I won’t be stressed by stress tensor after the completion of the course.

It may give an impression that I have never worked hard on mathematics. But that's not the case. I have worked hard with all my heart, soul, mind, body and all the books that were published for JEE preparation at the time I was preparing for the exam.

It seems as if the there was a shortage of Arithmetic and logical units (ALU) when god was distributing minds and it was my turn.

This is something I have realized over a period of time, that whenever you think something has ended something bigger, more troublesome more demanding and at times more enjoyable starts.

So, an end is never and end, it’s a beginning. I was hoping that I would miss my dear friend Mr. Mathematics after coming to IIT Bombay.

But it seems that he came to IIT to return the langoti that I forgot. There have been four courses of pure mathematics and I have got 7/10 in three of them. It didn’t even end there. While preparing for CAT the challenge I faced was not English, which is the case with most IITians. I was juggling with class 10^th mathematics and didn't do well.

Who is to blame for all this? As always I find a scapegoat!!

To blame are our forefathers, there forefathers and so on. India is the fastest children producing factory in this world. And who suffers as a result of this? I suffered and am still suffering, you suffer and every one else too. Probably I was never destined to be an engineer, but who doesn’t want to earn money? My dad didn't have money to bribe and get me chill government job. He has a pet saying for this country

“Beta is desh mein IIT karma, Chaprasi banana se bahut zayada asaan hai”

I used to curse the population of India a lot when I was closed in my room and studying. I used to curse the reservation policy too. I used to curse myself for preparing for JEE.

But with time I have realized that to survive in India, either get out of this country and come back with loads of money, or be the best. I will make an attempt to do both in recent future.

Damn!!

First I have to clear this polymerization course.

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